at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
