ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
