You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
