She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
