just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
