You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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