I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
