Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
