Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
