my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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