hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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