If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
