She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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