I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
