I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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