I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
