My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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