just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
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