I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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