I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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