tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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