On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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