dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
