I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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