Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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