I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Boobs are out for the taking
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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