Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
