why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
