I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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