He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
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