so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
