Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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