Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
