I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
