i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize