I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
