when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Best friends brother. Beat that.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize