"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
