My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Randomize
