I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
