so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
