I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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