I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
