never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
