So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
