we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Randomize
