i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
