Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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