thus making me awesome and them whores
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
