I just pynch a tree in the face
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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