Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
