I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
