So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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