Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
