I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
