blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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