i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
