youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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