I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
