I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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