Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
