I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
