So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
