wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
