I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
