he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
