i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
