based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
