There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
