Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
