just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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