I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Randomize
