I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
