please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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