so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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