also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
