well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
